Finishing up the year.

  As any teacher can tell you, the last week of school before the holidays is the home stretch.  There is so much to do to wrap up the semester, but then there are a host of expectations that you have for yourself. Some of these might include: Do I get a gift for everyone I work with and if so what will it be this year, Do I plan some special activities with my braille students and this one gets a resounding YES. I went to Target today and looked around for  awhile to see what might inspire me. I'm thinking of buying gingerbread boys at the panaderia and getting frosting and sprinkles to decorate them with the kids. This has been a favorite activity in the past, although the kids don't seem to love eating the gingerbread. Maybe the taste is too strong.
   On the grandbaby front, Joshua is 6 weeks old now and getting cuter by the day. His little social smiles are starting to come more frequently and he is getting more alert to things like Christmas lights. We went to the park tonight; Joshua's mom Sarah, Joshua and me.  The park has holiday miniature houses which have different themes like a bank, a school house, a church, a library etc.  It was fun to walk around with Joshua and it seemed that he was getting glimpses of Christmas lights and music.
  After several health scares and numerous tests, all is either well or inconclusive. I'm continuing to struggle with neuropathy , which basically means that my legs and arms usually feel tingly, numb or like they're on fire.  Walking is difficult, but I do the best I can because I want to continue working for as long as I can. I still don't know the cause of it, and I may never know. I've certainly expended time, energy and money looking for a cause and hopefully a treatment, but its been elusive. Well meaning friends will often say "aren't you glad its not....(name the disease)? But somehow, I dont feel so glad that I have a mystery disease that is sapping my strength and ability to walk. To me, no diagnosis equals no treatment.
  This Christmas my older son and daughter will be here for the first time since they were married. They're bringing their little pug Pistachio and will be staying in a hotel because we weren't sure how the dogs would behave with a new dog in the house. Nolan, our 11 year old Miniature schnauzer is very territorial. In fact, when Sarah came over to the house with baby Joshua, Nolan was not happy and started bark with a strange high pitched bark. My in-laws are also coming down from Minnesota right after Christmas so it should be a festive time. Everyone is excited to meet and get to know baby Joshua.

Older and Wiser

    It's an exciting time in my life. My newest grandchild is due in two short weeks.  I'm really excited about the impending birth because my daughter actually lives in my town.  She's asked me to come with her to the hospital when she's in labor and I'll actually see my grandson being born.  
    Ive been thinking about retirement lately, not as in permanently never work again, but more like a change of venue. My daughter is going to be staying home for a while to take care of her newborn son, but after she goes back to work, I may take care of Joshua. I'm excited to be able to do it and kind of sad at the same time because I didn't get to stay home with my own kids at that age. I was too caught up in the "got to work to pay the bills" cycle. 
    On the health front, things have been a bit crazy for me lately. I had lumbar fusion surgery last December 2012, and have been healing well from that. I've had much less back pain lately and can actually bend down to pick something up.  So I thought that it was going to be all uphill from there, recovery and then back to my normal life, if there is any such thing.  But no, there wasn't to be any easy recovery for me.  It started with abdominal pain in the spring, continued with numbness and weakness in my arms and legs and has continued with many odd symptoms which don't seem to add up to anything, according to the many tests I have had. It's really frustrating to be in the this limbo of testing and not knowing what's next. Sometimes, as it happens to other people, one test leads to a completely different set of tests unrelated to what you thought you were looking for.  So I'm not sure that I'm any closer to a diagnosis than I was three months ago, but I've spent a lot of money looking. I'd like to get off this testing wagon, but pain and numbness have a way of keeping you seeking relief. It just doesn't quit!
    Sometimes I get really sad and feel like I won't be able to do all the things in my bucket list.  While you work, you dream of the time you retire as a kind of Disneyland where all your dreams will come true. I'm grateful that I've been able to travel throughout the years, both in the US and outside in other countries. I think about the trips I took with my mom;Mexico, Guatemala, Ghana, and I wonder whether I'll be able to travel with any of my kids. I did get to go to San Miguel de Allende with one of my daughters and I went to Ireland with another daughter.  My older son and I went to Ghana with my mom through Global Volunteers when he was only 13 years old.  I'm so glad we did it.
    I've got to keep up the positive attitude in order to face each day.  Going to work actually helps with that, because I have responsibilities that have to be met no matter how I feel. I have to put on a sunny face and go do my job.. The kids bring me joy and a sense of pride in their accomplishments anyway. People will often say to me in amazement that they've never seen a child read in braille or that they didn't  know a blind child could be so independent. I'm amazed too sometimes, because of their progress, and I know that I had a big part in making that progress possible. It's a sense of pride that all teachers share.